Memories
by L122yTorch
Summary: Spock hears Jim crying out in his sleep and makes the decision to come to his aid. He ends up learning a lot more about his captain than he had anticipated.


"Spock"

"God…SPOCK!"

The words filtered into Spock's ears and finally reached his sleeping brain. The commander shot up in bed and look at the clock. It was the middle of the night.

He sat board straight in his bed, listening intently. Was it a dream? Was he dreaming?

And then, through the heavy metal walls he heard a cry of anguish. Was it Jim? It almost sounded like Jim.

His bare feet hit the floor, light from the adjacent moon outside filtering into the lone window in his quarters. He stood in the near dark, straining his already impeccable hearing.

"AUGHHH…"

He took a step towards the door and paused, his hand ready to swipe it open.

"SPOOOCKK!"

His name came piercing through the heavy darkness of the sleepy ship. It was Jim's voice, and as it was uttered his stomach curled into a sickening knot and concern rose above his cool mask of calm.

Immediately the door slid open and Spock was in front of Jim's door. A sharp yelp came from within the space. And slender pale fingers began to punch in the emergency lock override code.

Jim's quarters were revealed to the vulcan and he reluctantly took a step inside the dark room. A series of grunts and cries were coming from Jim's bed. Spock could see his captain lying there, a tangled sweaty mess thrashing his limbs into enemies unseen.

"Captain," Spock said rather loudly. Jim threw his head back and gasped. His back arched off the bed and his arms were stiffly straight and grasping wads of sheets. "SPOCK!" he practically screamed.

Spock came to sit on the bed, next to Jim's chest. "JIM" he yelled back. But the captain only thrashed his head to the side, still enthralled in whatever nightmare had gripped him.

"JIM," he said once more, this time grasping onto the naked shoulders beneath him. "JIM," he shook his friend. He felt an unbridled urgency to rescue his captain from whatever terror he was experiencing.

Suddenly, Jim's eyes flew open, his mouth agape and sucking in as much air would fit in his lungs. Piercing blue eyes looked up at Spock, whose expression reflected the strain of terror that was in Jim's scream just moments ago.

In an instant, Jim's left hand flew to the back of Spock's neck, his right hand forming a vice grip on his first lieutenant's shoulder. His sticky forehead was pressed against Spock's, his mouth hanging open, still gasping for breath. He was covered in a slick sheen of sweat and his body was trembling.

"Spock," he said once more, this time in a broken whisper of recognition. Cool tears slid past his eyes screwed shut and down his red hot face.

The grasp on the back of Spock's neck was replaced by something that he never saw coming. Two fingers slowly pressing into the dip of Spock's neck. A white hot flash of desire screwed itself inside of Spock's chest. The fingers were being drug slowly from the back of his neck, down it's side, into the dip where his collar bones met and further still…down his chest. Each new area a blazing hot trail of want. The fingers continued down Spock's naked chest and stopped at the hem of his Starfleet regulation pajama pants.

Spock's eyes bored into Jim's closed eyelids, his lungs heaving with the weight of surprise, shock, desire and lust.

Jim opened his tear stained eyes and looked at Spock. There was a moment of silence.

"Do you know what is going on?" Spock tried to steady his voice. A bleary Jim looked at him and then around the room, his right hand still holding onto Spock like he was an anchor. And then his gaze returned to Spock.

"I heard distressing sounds coming from your quarters. You were shouting my name, so after some debate, I let myself into your room to assess your wellbeing."

Again, silence.

"I saw that you were having a nightmare" "not a nightmare," Jim interrupted, "not quite."

"Then what was it?" Spock asked, staring at his still shaking captain. "Memories…" Jim answered, still gulping for breath. "When I melded with you…the other you…it gave me his memories," at this point his teeth were clattering as his body shook.

"Do you realize what you did just now Jim?" Spock spoke softly. Jim's gaze snapped to focus on his rich brown eyes. "I Vulcan kissed you." Spock gulped, a green flush rising to his cheeks and ears. "How did you know how to do that?" he said in his most detached voice. "It's something we did a lot…I mean, other you and other me," at saying this his head dipped to look down, his brows knitting together tightly.

Was his lip quivering? Spock wondered. Jim's body was convulsing quite visibly now. "Are you all right Jim? Do you need medical attention?" "No," he said shifting, his body closer to Spock, his forehead once more pressed against Spock's dark black bangs.

Tears were streaming from his eyes and sliding down his naked body. "Can't lose you," he said releasing his tight bicep grip and using the hand to flip over Spock's hand on the bed. Before Spock's brain could predict the move, Jim's two fingers were stroking Spock's. The physical sensation of their skin touching giving way to a blinding electric jolt.

Slowly Spock slid his hand back, absolutely startled at the reaction it had caused within his mind and body. "Lose me?" the question slid into the small space between their faces.

"I watched you…sllliiip….away…from me Spoock," he said, his body still shaking. "And I can't….I can't…lose you…I nnneed you."

Spock felt something that was beyond verbal descriptors. He didn't even protest as Jim moved his naked body to sit upon Spock's knee that was grounded on the captain's bed. Jim wrapped an arm beneath Spock's and another one around to the back of his neck. He shook from the adrenaline of the dream, from watching as Spock, behind a wall of glass slipped away from him. He shook from the blanket of drying sweat that coated his body. He shook and breathed into Spock before connecting their lips.

It was an odd sensation, to have another man's lips on his own, but Spock did not break the contact. He found it…satisfying. And once the initial shock wore off he began to move his lips against Jim's, letting his tongue slide across the one already inside of his mouth.

Jim moaned and clung to the pale body that tied him to reality. He grinded against the hot leg beneath him and kissed Spock until they both needed to come up for air. His wide blue eyes shot open and looked at Spock. "I…neeeed yyyou," he said, swiping a thumb up the line of Spock's left eyebrow. "Youu…have no idea how…muuuch," he said, the last word more of a puff of air than a syllable.

A flush of emotion bloomed inside of Spock's chest. It ran through his veins and pooled in his groin. He felt so compelled to do whatever necessary to soothe Jim, to calm him and keep him. To show him the depths of his feelings he had for him. The admiration the desire…the…

Jim pulled Spock down on top of him, running hands through his hair, over the taught muscles of his back and sliding down to his ass. Shaking fingers pulled down the fabric and his hips snapped up to meet Spock's.

"I…want you to hear my thoughts," Jim whispered. So Spock lowered his shields and let the onslaught of thought and emotion wash over him. It was a mix of desire, fear, admiration, love and sadness. It was almost too much to handle. The depths of what Jim felt seemed like a bottomless pit that Spock could fall into and never find his way out of.

Tighter, the words flitted through Spock's mind. So Spock wrapped his arms tightly around Jim, their bodies in full contact. The emotions were stronger, the thoughts, louder.

I would die if I lost you. I can't lose you. I can't ever lose you. I want you so bad, it hurts. Need you. Want more. Grind harder. Take me apart Spock.

Spock had to stop kissing just to get a handle on the tidal wave that was Jim. The man beneath him chuckled apologetically. Sorry Spock. Spock looked down at Jim. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he said, the words covering every possible meaning of the situation at hand.

Jim rocking his cock beneath Spock's, moaning and whispering his name and swearing and coming completely undone. Spock moved in time, his mouth moving against Jim's, his fingers meeting the fingers of the one beneath him.

All of the thoughts and emotions had become a laser of intense desire. Just feeling Jim's need pushed the Vulcan over the edge. Spock was shuttering, moaning, saying Jim's name and soon hot, thick ropes of cum coated Jim's stomach, which immediately sent him to his own release. As he came between them, his body crushed up into Spock's, as if he were trying to climb inside of the man that meant everything to him.

Heavy breaths filled the quiet space and Spock ran a hand through Jim's sweat soaked straw-blonde hair.

Jim was looking up at Spock. "Crew members have been noticing your fatigue lately. I'm guessing it is being caused by the transference of unintended memories and dreams from the meld." "Yes," Jim answered meekly. "I could meld with you in an attempt to relieve the depth of emotion in those memories."

"No," was the forceful reply.

Jim closed his eyes in a moment of reflection. Silence began to drown the two entwined Starfleet officers.

"I know that you would do anything…to help me, to make me feel better," Jim said with a tinge of sadness. "In that life what we had…I don't want to forget it. Or feel it less."

This response was jarring. Spock felt…a depth of compassion and sadness that was reflected in Jim's tone.

"It may be the only way that I can…have you like that," he said in nearly a whisper.

"I understand," Spock replied. Another defining moment of silence arose between them.

"Do you wish for me to stay?"

"Yes," Jim said, wrapping a hand around to the back of Spock's neck and pulling his face down to rest next to his. With two fingers he pressed the curve in the back of Spock's neck and the man mirrored the action on Jim's bare hip.


End file.
